Team America: World Police is one of the most ambitious comedy films in recent memory. The entire film is a send-up of over-the-top action movies but played out with marionette puppets. It is the kind of insane idea that could only come from Trey Parker and Matt Stone, the brilliant but controversial minds behind South Park.
Given the incredibly politically incorrect jokes in the film, it’s a movie that doesn’t age terribly well in some cases. But to the films credit, it doesn’t choose sides but rather aims to offend everyone. And though some jokes are in poor taste, there are still some truly hilarious moments. Here are the funniest quotes from Team America: World Police.
“Hey terrorist, terrorize this.”
Team America does an incredible job of parodying the big-budget action movies of the time. In some cases, what happens on screen feels like it could be in any of those types of films. And since it’s being done with marionettes, the silliness of it becomes quite clear.
As with any good action movie, there are plenty of great corny one-liners, most memorably Lisa’s catchphrase “Hey terrorist, terrorize this.” No, it doesn’t make any sense but we could still see Sylvester Stallone saying this in a movie.
“And if you betray us…”
The movie has a lot of fun playing up the action movie archetypes within the team. One of the most entertaining members is Chris, the tough-talking, cynical badass. From the beginning, Chris shows nothing but contempt for Gary, the new member of the team and he’s not afraid to speak his mind.
And if you betray us, I’ll rip your fking balls off and stuff them up your ass so that the next time you st, you’ll s**t all over your balls, got it?
Throughout the film, Chris continuously reminds Gary what kind of punishment awaits if he fails the team. The macho threatening gets increasingly more vulgar and ridiculous over time. It’s the kind of thing that could only spring from the imaginations of Parker and Stone.
“Damn, I missed him.”
While an entire action film made with marionettes could have been a major disaster, the movie proves it’s not playing around with its first scene. Set in a beautiful looking recreation of Paris, the adventure kicks off with a massive action scene that allows Team America to be incredibly destructive, like all good action heroes.
As they take on a group of terrorists, they practically level the city themselves. Joe fires a missile at one of the targets but ends up destroying the Eiffel Tower instead. His mild reaction is pretty accurate to the damage we usually see in action movies.
“Head back to base for cocktails.”
While the team takes care of all the damage on the ground, they are backed up from their home base by Spottswoode. He is sort of Team America’s version of M from James Bond. Spottswoode oversees all the missions and helps motivate his team through sometimes inappropriate means. But even when the lives of thousands of people are on the line, Spottswoode knows the importance of a good party.
After defeating a terrorist group in Cairo, Spottswoode gives the command, “Head back to base for cocktails” where the after-party ensues. It’s the perfect Bond-esque cheesiness to throw in the mix.
“I’ve been to Iraq you know.”
One of the most daring and hilarious aspects of Team America is how it takes aim at movie stars and their vocal political beliefs. The criticism is harsh and perhaps a bit unfair at times, but it’s hard not to laugh at some of the depictions of some of Hollywood’s biggest names.
One of the most memorable inclusions is Sean Penn who is shown constantly reminding people in a very pretentious way that he’s actually been to Iraq. Whether you agree with the politics of the joke or not, it is a funny gag that keeps getting funnier.
“I sense I’m going down!”
While most of the team has a standard cliché specialty, Sarah gets a fairly unique skill set as she is apparently a psychic. Certainly, having such an amazing ability would come in handy on this team. However, as we hilariously see throughout the film, her power seems to be nothing more than pointing out the obvious.
As the team is ambushed by North Korea fighter jets, Sarah’s plane is shot out of the sky. As it plummets to earth, she says “I sense I’m going down!” which isn’t super helpful.
“See there are three kinds of people…”
Team America follows the outline of a typical action movie pretty closely which means there is a section leading into the final act in which the team hits rock bottom. After failing to stop another attack, Gary loses faith in his abilities and falls into a drunken stupor.
See there are three kinds of people: dks, pies, and a*holes.
A fellow barfly decides to give Gary some advice about the world, then proceeds to go into a long and vulgar explanation of the types of people in the world. As ridiculous as it is, it does make some sense. Gary even uses it as his big speech at the end which allows them to defeat the bad guys.
“Pearl Harbor sucked and I miss you.”
With all the over-the-top action and patriotic themes, Michael Bay seems like the most obvious target for most of the film’s humor. But if you didn’t pick up on that for most of the film, they include a song that really hammers home the filmmakers’ opinions on Bay’s films.
The song entitled “End of an Act” is performed as a melancholy love ballad but includes lyrics like “I miss you more than Michael Bay missed the point when he made Pearl Harbor”. It also repeatedly repeats the line “Pearl Harbor sucked and I miss you.” Not very subtle.
“Matt Damon!”
It’s pretty amazing how a silly movie with puppets can create a joke that still haunts one of Hollywood’s biggest stars to this day.
Matt Damon is one of the many celebrities included in the movie, but when Parker and Stone saw the puppet design, they were struck by how dumb he looked. Instead of redesign the puppet they simply made Damon portrayed as an imbecile who only repeats his own name over and over. Despite his amazing film career, it’s hard not to picture Damon this way at times.
“America. F**k yeah!”
Not only does the movie succeed at being a fairly impressive action film with marionettes, but it also happens to be a pretty entertaining musical. Parker and Stone have a talent for crafting hilarious, clever and catchy tunes and the theme song for this movie might just be one of their best.
The song takes the kind of raw-raw patriotic rock songs you might hear in these action movies and cuts away all the nonsense. The simplistic and increasingly aggressive lyrics make it a laugh-out-loud tune that is guaranteed to get stuck in your head.
